We Raise Them To Say... "Good-bye"
By Jeannie Anderson
It’s the toughest job you’ll ever love – Peace Corps, right? I’ve often wondered and dare say that the person who originated that slogan was not a parent, more so a mother. With all due respect, what other “adventure” out there offers such wonderful benefits as a minimal 18 year commitment upon sign up, to which by the way there are no training manuals given let alone any paid courses to be offered, (it’s all on the job training) no pre-paid sign on bonus, and exactly where would we see overtime pay or even regular hourly wages for that matter, vacation pay, sick leave pay, or medical benefits. Oh, and don’t forget that 401k and IRA contribution. It is pretty much known to be a thankless job, yet millions of women all over the world hold with pride the title of –motherhood.
We are given the assignment upon the birth of our children to unselfishly love, nurture and provide for them. We want them to be intelligent, responsible and caring. Our desire is for them to be a contributor to society always giving back more than they take. We spend years teaching them, sculpting, polishing and refining them, making sure they have all the necessary tools for life. We want to be sure that they are well balanced mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. We give them a strong foundation of moral and ethical beliefs with hopefully a strong faith in God to guide them. We teach them to believe in themselves and in society as a whole. And before we realize it we’ve raised them and for what?!? To say “goodbye”.
My far away over the horizon “it’ll be here one day train” is fast approaching, barreling closer and closer so that it is now in plain view, approaching at speeds that I’m certain will take my breath and my oldest child away as it goes by. After 17 ½ years of my on the job training my oldest daughter is preparing to leave our nest and it occurred to me that it reminds me of watching a baby bird stretch its wings for the first time, standing on the edge of the nest looking over into the world below. Is there irony in that graduation is held in the spring of the year just when all the other baby birds are preparing to fly away?
I’ve spent all these years preparing her, but the thought never occurred to me to prepare myself. I’ve just always figured I’d be as ready as she was. Funny, how time moves so slow for them, and so fast for us. I remember the first day of pre-K, elementary school, junior high, and high school. School projects (due tomorrow), field trips and chorus productions, plays, proms and progress reports. Boyfriends and broken hearts, best friends and betrayal and all the “why life isn’t fair events” that a teenager goes through. Driver’s license, first car, first job, first bank account, all milestones, all stepping stones to the edge of the nest.
As I lamented over my own unpreparedness for the impending day a friend of mine reminded me of my role in the utmost gentle way by saying “what is your problem, this is what you’ve prepared her for, she’ll be fine”. Yes, I know she will be, but what about me! I make a mental note and vow to myself to be more prepared for my second and third child’s flight from the nest. No, I’m not really believing it either, but it’s a comforting thought for now.
From the time this realization struck me that this day was fast approaching until this very moment, I have begun the process of preparing myself. I find myself reflecting more and more as if a movie screen is playing the events of all the years before me. I’ve laughed out loud and I’ve cried, but most of all I have found a sense of accomplishment, for as I look over the stepping stones I must concede that she is ready and that I have done my best in preparing her, and that is what it is really all about, because I chose motherhood as my first career and there is no greater promotion than knowing you’ve done your job well enough to send your child out into a very uncertain world and know that she will do well.
Yes, it is by far, the toughest job, you will forever love, and after all is said and done maybe raising them to say “goodbye” isn’t so bad if the true meaning of “good bye” is really their way of saying “thank you”.
Jeannie Anderson is the founder of Pathways With Purpose, LLC providing life and business coaching. She is a wife and mother of three, a writer, an entrepreneur, and a quintessential balancer of life, work, and family. She makes time to provide candid insights and speaking engagements for the betterment of women everywhere. Jeannie may be reached at: jeannie@pathwayswithpurpose.com or by calling her office at: 407-695-4491.
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